I am just a mom with a 4 month old who is exclusively breastfed (EBF) and this is just my thoughts and opinions on the subject at hand. First of all there’s so much pressure on moms regarding breastfeeding your baby. We live in a society where working moms have to return just 6 weeks after having a baby but there is no village mentality. No one talks about the limitations of breastfeeding, in fact, no one talks about life within that first year. We hear over and over that the first year is just a blur. We all are just surviving through it because there’s something in our instincts that guides us on what to do.

Let’s discuss the whole societal pressure to breastfeed your baby or not. Just 60 years ago it was normal to only give formula to a baby because breastfeeding was seen as something only poor people did to feed their child. Then someone woke up one day and said ALL mammals feed their young, it’s what is best for the child. Breastfeeding is literally what our bodies are meant to do for a baby. So now formula companies aren’t making as much money and have to compete with nature. What do they do? Pressure medical providers with money to push formula or when the going gets tough on a tired, helpless momma tell them to switch versus hiring a lactation consultant to help that momma figure out the root of the problem. So now you have a mom that was told breast is best that can’t find a good latch, had an undiagnosed lip or tongue tie, has a low supply, fast letdown, wrong position etc etc and the reaction is just switch? Only to leave that momma to feel like a failure, inadequate, and not capable.

What about the moms that have heard these stories who choose just to go straight to formula because their afraid of it happening to them? Or the ones whose moms just chose formula from the start and don’t know anything else? How about the moms who choose to breastfeed and have no idea how isolating it can feel? There is a serious lack of education on this topic for expecting and new moms. That needs to change. Not to mention most insurance companies don’t cover lactation consultant visits meaning you’re paying for that out of pocket and most families will not seek that help out because babies are costly enough. Let’s now explore the world if you chose to breastfeed.

Congratulations! You’re doing what’s best for your baby. Giving your baby the best possible start to life. Did you know that your baby gets all your antibodies while breastfeeding? They also signal your body to produce milk tailored to exactly what they need. You’ll lose that baby weight in no time since your breastfeeding the weight just falls off. This is only a fraction of the things I heard about breastfeeding.

So things are going well, you’re starting to get in the groove. Maybe you can’t figure out the pump and you read somewhere unless its ABSOLUTELY necessary don’t introduce a bottle until 8-10 weeks. So no stress on the pumping thing yet there’s time to get a back stock for those what if scenerios. You have an over supply? Try pumping to help that. Did you know pumping makes your body think its feeding 2 babies so you’re actually producing more? Making an over supply issue worse. All things I’ve heard since having a baby.

You’re returning to work soon? Then you have to pump and pump like crazy to get a back stock of milk so you have enough for your baby. Babies not taking a bottle? So now what do you do? You can’t ask for more leave or maybe you can but you won’t get paid. Maybe you didn’t get paid leave in the first place and your savings are depleting so there’s even more pressure to return. Why has society become such a kid free environment? We evolved into this 2 incomes to survive country but how does having children fit into that? Maybe with the evolution of women wanting equality we feel empowered by our jobs but now we need to figure out how children fit into that equation if staying home isn’t an option. Jobs should consider providing daycares for their employees or allowing moms to bring their babies to work. Then you have the comments regarding other people raising your child. So what is the right choice? It’s not so cookie cutter any more. There’s not a one size fits all or even most. I’m in California, USA and I can tell you that my situation is different than most other people here and completely different than someone else in another state.

My situation looks like this, a 20ft travel trailer, both parents on unemployment, my husband volunteering 32 hours a week to have our rent and utilities covered with the hopes that his volunteer position will become paid. We have a mini fridge/ freezer combo and milk can only stay good in there for 2 weeks so I literally can’t pump because we’d just be wasting all that liquid gold. I have an over supply though and I catch it with a hakaa and store what I can BUT on top of that my baby doesn’t take a bottle anymore. I to read about not introducing the bottle until 8-10 weeks so we stopped after 1 week of doing 1 bottle a day at 4 weeks old. Not to mention she also was starting to fuss more at my breast which we think was due to the nipple of the bottle being easier than my boob.  So here we are at 4 months and my angel baby is quite literally EBF because she’s a boob snob that refuses the bottle.  Which brings me to the point about feeling isolated.

When you are the ONLY way your baby eats you become the primary caregiver. Lucky for me I’m not returning to a job because we are in the midst of a pandemic and there’s no jobs available. But, maybe it feels unlucky for me sometimes. I do feel blessed to not have to spend money on childcare and get to raise her but on the flip side I feel trapped sometimes. I can’t leave for more than 30min because of fear she might start screaming for food nor can I go very far for that exact same reason. Literally I can’t shut off from being a mom and I know I’m not alone in this. Your partner sleeping soundly next to you with their useless nipples as you nurse the little 5am alarm clock back to sleep only to wake again at 5:45am when your husbands alarm goes off for work. If you’re like me falling back asleep at 7 or 8am when she goes down for her first nap doesn’t really work out so well.

On the flip side, because you’ve become the primary care giver, your partner now maybe lacks the confidence to take over the full control of parenting duties. You’ve got your routine and the cues dialed so they just let you handle it. Even if you could leave for a couple hours you’d stress out about whether or not things were going okay or if they were staying on schedule. Does he know the tired cues? Will he make sure they feel safe and secure? Is he just letting them cry and not calling me? What if he gets stressed? What would he do? We all know we play out literally ALL what if scenarios. The whole having a baby thing is hard between two parents with or without all the outside influences. Why doesn’t our society have a more it takes a village mentality?

With Google right at everyone’s fingertips these days there’s so much information out there. Correct or not. Why aren’t we taught to turn to our families or peers more? To look to our village for support? Where did that go? How did that get so lost? Having a baby is isolating because we are told the first year is about sleep deprivation and surviving. Babies are fragile, they need a certain temperature, and you’re recovering. We need to be taught to trust your instincts and stop relying so heavily on doctors or the internet to give you answers. TRUST yourself and put like-minded people around you who you can also trust.

My husband and I have adopted the mindset that you just have to rip the band aid off and try because if you don’t, you’ll just sit around letting that first year become the blur that everyone talks about. You’re going to make mistakes, you’re going to have hard days, and you’re going to learn lessons but, you’ll also make amazing memories, have fun and feel good about trying. It gets easier every time you do it. Postpartum looks different for everyone but even with that trust your body and trust the process. This is just the beginning and we solve the issue of how to feed our babies by doing what’s best for yourself and your family. But we should be demanding there’s more education on the topic. I challenge you to demand better from our healthcare providers. We start living with a village mindset and we start these conversations so we can figure out how to balance work and family better.  We attract the lives and outcome we want.